A Gift Unwasted

A little over seven months ago, I wrote a blog post that reached farther than I ever thought it would. It was about a man that I had never met, but that I wish I would have. What initially caught me about his story was the headline making tragedy that he was involved in. However, what mainly grabbed my attention was the unspoken parts. The parts that I could merely observe from afar. I saw a man who knew life in it's fullest, and I immediately gravitated towards that.

Today is my birthday. I knew that it would be when I went to sleep last night. I knew it was when I woke up this morning, greeted by my dog's ever present desire to go outside. And yet, I wasn't met with the same self-sustaining excitement that I usually experienced on my birthday. Yes, this year is different. I am in a different city with my new wife, and those things do make me truly happy. I don't know if it was the fact that I knew I had to work on my birthday or the fact that I am getting older, but for some reason, today just seemed like any other day. And then I realized something.

That's wrong.

That's wrong because today isn't just like any other day. I have been battling with this thought in my own head so much lately. Every morning we wake up, go through our routine, sometimes dreading what is coming in our day or week, and we begrudgingly pull ourselves out the door. Why? Why am I treating each day like it has to bear a striking resemblance to the day before it? The Bible says that the Lord's compassion or mercies are renewed every morning. That tells me that each day is full of new potential for a lot of things!

What I struggle with the most is that each morning doesn't seem very different from the next morning. I think a lot of people struggle with that. There are so many elements in each of our days that run together or seem so similar. The same house, the same car, the same job, the same people, the route, and the same issues. We quickly become a people of routine even if we didn't intend to be. It's like those starter train sets that just come with the curved track pieces. There is a whole lot of fascination at first because you're watching a miniature train inside your own house! But then it gets boring pretty quick because you realize you're just watching it go in circles again and again. And again. And...

And therein lies my little epiphany. Who said I have to go in circles? 

The answer is nobody. No one ever said that my life has to be routine, droll, and boring. No one ever said that just because certain elements in your day might be the same, that means that you have no right to make each day new. Yes, there are certain things about life that do not change or cannot change, yet there are several things in each of our lives that can change and should change.

I'm not trying to start a sermon. I'm not trying to inspire or incite everyone, but if I do, than that's awesome. I guess I am mainly speaking to me. Out of anyone that I know, I am the one that needs to hear this or realize this the most. Despite the consistency of daily routines, I can choose to make each day a new adventure. And so I will. I want to be a writer. I have so many writing projects started, but nothing is finished. I think it's about time I finished one. Or two. Or all of them. I'll let you know how that goes.

My life is not going to be boring.

I am going to know life in it's fullest.

For Aaron Christian Buda

                Yesterday, around 8 AM, an accident occurred on Eastbound 496 that backed up traffic in either direction for miles, eventually closing down the Eastbound lanes. Six cars were involved in the accident. One of those cars caught fire mere seconds after the accident. The driver of that car, Aaron Christian Buda, did not survive.

He was 24.

                Aaron was married to Jennifer. I do not know Jennifer, and I did not know Aaron. I cannot even begin to imagine the intense pain that Jennifer feels right now, or the panic that struck the moment she heard the news that her husband of only two years had passed away.

                Whenever I hear news like this, I automatically become an investigator. I did it with 9/11 and the Newtown tragedy. I want to see what I can find out about the actual people in these news stories, since all the news seems to give us is cold facts and tragedy. And that’s fair. The news sources are supposed to inform us of the events that go on in our world and, unfortunately, those events have not been very blissful as of late.

                Here is what I found out: Aaron was a fun loving young man. From what I could gather, he and his wife had a very happy and loving relationship. In his wife’s profile picture, the couple is shown participating in what looks to be a charity event. From the comments on Aaron’s profile picture, it seems as if Aaron was surrounded by a very loving and warm family. In that profile picture, Aaron has a look of joy on his face and is holding a coffee mug, which is fitting because Aaron worked for Biggby.

                Aaron and Jennifer were married on October 30, 2012. That’s exactly 27 months ago. To me, that doesn’t seem like much time at all. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like much time to Jennifer either. However, to her, I am sure those 27 months are filled with unforgettable memories and moments. Contrarily, I am sure that these next few weeks, months, and maybe years will be filled with mourning and tears that will only be dried by the memory of Aaron.

                I, myself, am getting married this May. In the past, my investigation into these life stories has been droll and brief. However, this time, I caught myself. I was crying. Like I said, I didn’t know Aaron, or Jennifer, or anyone in their families, and I don’t pretend to. I was simply another driver caught in traffic on a Tuesday morning. My curiosity got the best of me, and I began waiting for them to identify the driver. As soon as his name was released, I logged onto Facebook and immediately found Aaron. And I found Jennifer. Seeing them smile together made this news story different to me. I was suddenly struck with sadness for what this poor woman is now forced to endure. And yet, I was hit with a bit of happiness in realizing that she is enveloped in such a loving family.

                There is not a single one of us in this life that knows the exact moment of when we will pass away. Aaron didn’t know. Jennifer was not preparing herself for Aaron to die that morning. But they knew love. Love for one another, the love of family, and the love of the Lord. I am very grateful that I took the moment to see that. My heart breaks for Jennifer and the Buda family, but I am comforted to know that they have each other. And I will think of them in the months ahead as I move toward my own commitment of life and love.

I hope you will, too.

The Wrong Move

I just made the wrong move. I woke up this morning and I told myself that I was going to workout. Was I going to run? No. It was snowing/raining outside. I was going to ride a stationary bike. The weather was great inside. I had a slight stomachache in the morning, but it took care of itself, so I figured I'd be fine. The time came for me to hop on that bike. I was about to head into the basement when it hit me: I can't exercise on an empty stomach. "That would be insane", I reasoned.  So I reached for the Doritos and Sunny D.

Perfect.

Needless to say, I did not feel like exercising afterwards. I felt heavy, as if I had added one more unnecessary burden to an already insurmountable weight. I felt like a failure. There wasn't any motivation to be found at that point. So, after a few moments, I made another wrong move: I gave up.

I'm not one who enjoys getting my butt kicked. I will never truly understand those people who love to "feel the burn." I was always taught that you avoid anything that burns, like hot stoves and heart burn. I've always viewed workouts like P90X and Insanity as crazy, and the people who participated in them, even crazier. To me, there has never really been anything truly attractive about attempting to move my body until it hurts.

Here is another wrong move I've made: I've lost sight of the goal. And in reality, that is worse than Doritos and giving up. The ease of comfort food and letting go of a workout routine clouded my vision. This realization hurt more than the realization of temporary failure. Because at that point, I had no longer just let myself down, I had let someone much more important down.

That hurts.

I may not enjoy getting kicked in the butt by a workout or "feeling the burn", but I far less enjoy the pain of disappointing another. And that... that I cannot stand for. So, now, I am choosing to make the right move. Not just for me. I am doing it for something greater than myself.

I will feel the burn.

Why do we fall?

Heartbreak. The feeling that comes from an unexpected course change in life. The realization that your script is about to be rewritten without notice.

Marcus Lattimore experienced one such course change today during a football game against the Tennessee Volunteers. With five minutes left in the second quarter, the hand off went to Lattimore on second and ten. He rushed to the left side only to be caught up around the knees by a defensive back. Tripping over another player, Lattimore's right leg twisted around as he was slammed to the ground, his knee bending in ways that a knee is not meant to bend.

If that were me, I likely would have blacked out on the spot. Marcus Lattimore immediately went to his back, knowing exactly what had just happened. The trainers and coaches rushed to his side, refusing to allow the young player to see his mangled leg. But Lattimore did not need to see it; he already knew. His story was about to change in a severe way. For anyone watching that young man lay on the field, the look on his face set it all: he was heartbroken.

It's hard enough watching someone you don't know experience that kind of pain. It's even more difficult watching someone very close to you go through a sudden and unexpected detour. Almost ten years ago, my brother started losing his vision in both eyes. You could see the demeanor in his face change over time as he was told that his optic nerves were deteriorating, and then having his license suspended, and finally realizing just how much he was going to have to depend on other people for the rest of his life. He was heartbroken.

One of the most iconic lines from any of (the Great) Christopher Nolan's Batman films comes from Batman Begins. After a young Bruce Wayne falls down a well and breaks his arm, his father is carrying him home along with his butler, Alfred. Mr. Wayne looks at his son and says, "Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." At that moment, every audience member knows that this is going to be a great story.

Over the next few months, Marcus Lattimore is going to have a lot of internal turmoil to deal with. He will have to make some very tough decisions, and he will have to face some very hard facts. These next few months will change him.

My brother was changed, but not for the worse. Yes, losing your vision can be a very crippling thing. As with any heartbreak, no matter how big or small, a choice has to be made. A person can either give up, or they can press forward, stronger than before. My brother bounced back. If you met him today, you might notice that he's blind, but you would not be able to see how it's held him back because it really hasn't. He is now married with two children and one more on the way. He has a great house, and is working towards a career as a marriage and grief counselor, as well as an audio producer.

I truly feel for Marcus Lattimore. An injury like that has to be devastating. I pray that his choices over the next few months show those around him that this setback doesn't define him. He may not return to football, but his life is not over. He faces the choice of how he will impact the lives that he comes into contact with. I look forward to hearing more about his story.

Until then, I will run for you, Mr. Lattimore. I am nowhere close to being a running back on a football team, but I will run for you. And I am praying for you.

Praying for you all.

Keep your head up, and your eyes forward.

Shin Splints

 

I'm in pain. I've got shin splints. Never had those before. 

Anyone that has had shin splints before knows exactly the kind of pain I'm in.  I found out that you're not supposed to run through them. They're caused by an over-exertion of a muscle surrounding your tibia. When the tibia experiences a persistent pressure that it isn't used to or hasn't felt in a while, the muscle expands and the bone forms tiny microscopic cracks. In the beginning, these cracks aren't enough to cause any type of fracture, but they can certainly cause a whole lot of pain. 

You're supposed to immediately stop what you're doing and allow the muscle and bone to rest. After rest, the pain should subside and a person will be able to return to their chosen activity. However, as is the case with exercise after a period of rest, there is still some form of pain associated with conditioning your bones and muscles to become active in that particular way again.

Running is tough. In all honesty, for me, running is one of the most undesirable activities. I always blamed it on the fact that I have breathing problems (which is sometimes true), but that was mainly an excuse. Excuses were the elements that kept me from running and striving for more. I would start running, but my shoes weren't right, so I would quit. I would start running, but my breathing was off, so I would just walk instead. Or I would start running, but I would get lonely, so I would decide to stop until I found someone to run with. And then I would start running with someone, but I would feel too awkward, so I would make up an excuse to not go running with them again (my apologies to any of my former running partners).

For some reason, I have been reminded a lot lately of a story that I heard when I was younger. A long time ago, a man (let's say his name is Michael) decided that he was going to participate in a marathon. Now, this is a very good goal, but the only problem was that Michael was not a runner. The other problem? The marathon was only two weeks away. Michael decided to go through with it any way. He didn't exactly know how to train for the marathon in that short amount of time, so he began with short-distance running, followed by some sprints, hill climbing, and stretching. Michael repeated this day after day until, finally, the day of the marathon arrived. The time came for the race to begin and Michael was psyched. Starting out, Michael was running very well. He felt good. But then after mile two, Michael started feeling it. His legs were feeling sore. He was getting tired. After a while, no one was behind him and everyone was in front of him. His pace became much slower. He began to feel really awkward because all of the spectators' eyes were on him; this lone runner in last place. People could see the expression of pain on his face. The television cameras were trained on him. All of a sudden, people began to see Michael muttering something to himself. Every other step, he would say something. Nobody could make out what he was saying, but they could see that he wasn't giving up. By the time that Michael reached the finish line, all of the runners were waiting for him, along with hundreds of spectators and camera crews. A reporter came out of the crowd to ask him the questions that were on everyone's minds. 

"Why didn't you give up?"

"I couldn't."

"What was it that you were saying to yourself during the race?"

"I was praying. I was telling God, 'You pick them up, Lord, and I'll put them down. You pick them up, Lord, and I'll put them down.'"

I have to be honest, there have been times in life when I have gone through phases of pulling myself out of the race because of a lame excuse. Either I was feeling down, or unmotivated, or I didn't like where I was at. And every time that I have done that, I always catch myself looking back, wondering why I didn't push myself to finish. I have always been taught that when you start something, you're supposed to finish it. And I believe that to be true. When you start a job, you finish that job and see it through no matter what. Even if you experience a setback (like a figurative shin splint), you finish and finish well. That same principal, I believe, applies to every part of life. 

I am going to strive to run the race well.

"⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

- 2 Timothy 4:7-8 

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

- James 1:2-4

Praying for you all.

Keep your head up and your eyes forward.  

Day Two: Confessions of a Former Procrastinator

This is exactly what my planner typically looked like.

Empty.

It was probably one of the main reasons that it took me forever to do something. I never planned it out. I would never set a deadline or a goal. I can't even begin to tell you how many planners I had purchased, only to lose them over and over again. Even when my high school provided each student with a planner so that they could remember assignments and deadlines, I ended up using it as a journal or a place to perfect my shapes (still can't do a perfect star). My phone had a calendar, my computer had a calendar, and all of the e-mail accounts that I used had calendars. But did I ever use them? No. Because I always said I would do it tomorrow. A procrastinator's favorite word. If you're like I was, that word is at the forefront of your vocabulary. I never had a problem saying that I was going to do something because when you're a procrastinator, the when doesn't matter!

So, in order to finally start running, I had to let go of that word. My fiance would always ask if I would go running with her and I would always say, "Yeah, of course I'll go with you! We can do that tomorrow..." And I was serious about when I said it! But when tomorrow actually rolled around, I would find something more pressing that would cause me to again use the word tomorrow. The thing that I have had to realize is that I have no control over tomorrow because life will happen and unexpected things will come up. Today is right here, sitting in front of me, and today is waiting for me to bring my narrative elements into the narrative the is already there.

Today, I have conquered tomorrow. Not literally (God's got that one). Just verbally.

Weight: 160.2 lbs.
Exercise: Running/Walking
Distance: 1.2 miles
Breakfast: Toast and egg
Lunch: Chicken and rice
Dinner: Sloppy joe(s)
Water consumed: 1 gallon

Day One: Find Your Greatness

This is it. I have begun. No turning back.

Those would all be great movies titles.

Seriously though (that would not be a great movie title), it has started. I have graduated from being a walker (no, not like from The Walking Dead) to a runner. And you know what the best part is? I'm not running from anything. I'm running towards something. For the first time, I am choosing to not see the weak legs, the wobbly gut, and the neck that lacks definition, and am instead choosing to see what I can become.

On May 19th, 2013, I will see a drop-dead gorgeous bride named Abigail Rae Dutkiewicz walking down the aisle towards me, and I promise you, I will cry. On that same day, same place, same time, she will see a much more physically fit me waiting for her with an outstretched arm that has bulging biceps. The adjective may be a bit of a stretch, but you get the picture. That arm will be fit, not flabby. And after we've said our vows, exchange rings, and given each other a customary kiss on the cheek, I will finally be able to sweep my bride off her feet. For those of you who know Abigail, it seems like this would be easy. She is not large by any meaning of the word.

So why am I doing this? Well, first, I believe that God has given me this earthly body as a gift, and quite frankly, I have not been doing a very good job at taking care of it. Second, I believe that one of the best ways to get into good physical condition is by running/walking. And third, my fiance loves to run and I would love to be able to participate in the things that make her happy. Also, I will add the running brings physical fitness and physical fitness brings good feelings. If you feel good, you're better equipped to serve others.

So, I can do this. With the strength that only God can provide, I can do this. Everyday, I will be checking in here with observations of my runs/walks and the status of my physical condition. Please feel free to read along as I take this journey. I would love the company.

Weight: 160.2 lbs.
Exercise: Running/Walking
Distance: 1.2 miles
Breakfast: Toast
Lunch: Quesedilla
Dinner: Sloppy joe(s)
Water consumed: 1 gallon